Dont try to do this by 'works' (eph 2.8-9) or by even 'good rules' :
or Col 2.20: "Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21 "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? 22 These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.")
Don't make this difficult (because it IS impossible--it can ONLY be done by the God-man Jesus Christ)...your efforts cannot add one whit to His finished work on the Cross...as soon as you start adding 'other things' to simple acceptance and openness to His Majesty and His Majestic work on the Cross, you are entangled in a trap that leads to deepest despair...it is simply trust and acceptance--
Change in our worst behavior sometimes takes a long, long time..."progressive sanctification" IMPLIES that we don't experience perfection at the moment we finally ask Christ to do HIS WORK of acceptance and transformation in our lives... ...Matt 11.28f:
Doesn't this sound like GOOD news, instead of the "bad news" you seem to be struggling with, friend?!
Think about His words above...'easy' and 'light' and 'rest'...
If your understanding of His invitation involves burden and hardship and heaviness and torturous toil, you need to re-read the above passage over and over and over...until you see how beautifully simple and light His 'demands' are! Do not let anyone (no matter how scholarly or pious or popular) load you down with a burden that no one can bear (cf. Luke 11.46).
Don't let go of this, friend, until you have come up with a solid understanding of what Jesus could have meant by 'easy' and 'light' and 'rest'...think on it until it become clear...